Feb Newsletter 2012 - Letting go!

Excuse me is this my shit or yours?

Ok, so we're a product of our parents, but does that mean we are them? Does it mean the horrible things said or done to you will ultimately show up on your own plate if you become a parent? Am I doomed to become my mother Hitting, yelling, degrading, making my kids live in fear?

If so then we might as well give up.

So why all the questions, why so introspective?

I'm older now, and because I'm older I've been looking at my life a bit deeper. I've been exploring the idea of becoming a mom. I have to admit, I've never swooned at the idea of motherhood, seeing babies didn't m
ake me want to have one. I don't even remember having baby dolls as a kid, Barbies... yes, but that satisfied the fashionista in me.

I don't dislike children; I just had no desire to have any. That is until I hit 34. Then I started thinking, “Well, maybe”........... And
now I'm seriously considering motherhood.

Recently, a lifelong friend of mine, who has known me since I was 8, told me I was DOOMED!

When she found out I was considering having a baby she told me if I announced I was pregnant that she couldn't be happy for me because she would be concerned for that poor little baby.

So what kind of horrible person am I that would warrant such comments? Let’s start with the obvious concerns.

Drugs? Nope, just some pot in my teens and, ok, my twen
Alcohol? Nope, just at dinner parties, maybe a glass of wine with dinner.
Violent? Nope, just a tem
per sometimes, which I've been working on for quite a long time.

Quite simply, my friend’s concern is I am a product of my environment as a child. That I will be my mother and am doomed to repeat how I was raised. My friend has seen all the worst of my home environment, and feels that I have the potential to be my mother. I asked her if I demonstrate or ever have demonstrated the behavio
rs that she was concerned about. The answer was "no", yet, still, I apparently have a much higher potential than most to become like my mother.

If I was really such a horrible person then why would she have remained friends with me for almost 30 years? I
f she is using my background as her measuring stick for parental competency, then she should take a good look at herself.

She had a difficult upbringing. Does that mean she’s a bad mom? No. In fact, she's a great mom! She loves her son, and he knows it, and he's safe with her. I only want the same chance to prove I'm not a product of my environment. I think I deserve that same courtesy.

My mothering ability shouldn’t be judged before I even have kids.

After this conversation I took it as a deep personal attack and it really rattled me…to the point I was concerned for society. You know having a person that has that pote
ntial to be so horrible out on the streets, my god! Lock up your children, folks. But then I took time away from it and thought about the comments and the way they were delivered. Now looking back they seem completely irrational, and unwarranted, so where is this coming from? Why does me having a baby bother my friend so much?

Well I have no idea and won’t pretend I do, I only know that when we attack for no reason and so venomously we need to look back at ourselves. There is something about me being a parent that disturbs her but maybe it’s something she sees in herself.

All I know is that I’ve worked very hard for many years to become a better person and I feel like it’s a process, a long process, hey perhaps even a lifetime. She has known me a long time and I'm not the person I was as a teenager, or in my twenties and I feel like I've grown even more in my thirties. I needed time to get to this stage in my life; I take parenting very seriously, and am VERY aware of my flaws. But, hey, thanks for pointing them out.

I have taken time to work through many of those flaws and defects. I’m not perfect and never will be. Like everyone else, I’m a work in progress.

By Tracy Martin


Exercise to let go

“Just let it go! “That is the most common statement from people when we hold onto emotional things that are causing us issues. Well it is always easier said than done.

If you go on the internet it will talk about breathing and visualization exercises. You might even find some that talk about writing them down and releasing them in some form, like balloons, leaves, or even burning them. I’m not saying these don’t work, because they most certainly can especially if you are truly ready to let go.

However if you are a work in progress it may take sometime to get to the deeper issue surrounding the “why”. Why does this bother me so much? I have found that writing things out helps me to address the issues, in a sense stepping back from it and observing like somebody that is not emotionally infested. Then I go back later and read it over, edit it until I it feels right.

The point is take some time away from the issue, look at from a big picture standpoint and then do whatever feels right to you. If you feel better then keep doing it, but remember to always look at yourself and the way you respond emotionally. Where is that coming? When have I felt this way before? Is there a pattern of behavior here? If so how have I felt in each situation? What is creating the connection? When you look at like this you will start to see thing differently, more profoundly.

If you feel none of these things are helping you to work through it and you just can’t seem to let go, you may want to think about Hypnotherapy. This allows you to access thoughts and insights that are at a subconscious level. It can be very therapeutic and an eye opening experience.

What ever you choose remember to always be gentle with yourself, this is a journey, just keep moving forward not matter how hard it is.

Book your hypnotherapy appointment today


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